No Complaint#=)

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Complaint No#26

The Chronicles of Peabrain(ed) blockhead:Final entry.

We were marked targets since the very beginning.Easy prey who saw not dangers lurking in the darkest corners and randomly passing motorcycles,oblivious to any malicious intent.Had this been in the wild,we would've been butchered.

But this was civilization.Society and it's educated peers.People and races whom were taught to be peaceful,harmonious,good.People.

People who did not shout any warnings and demands and struck me with a helmet.People that begun beating the shit out of me for the valuables I had.People that went straight to my friend's handbag.People that terrified her.

Humans that punched and bashed my head for not giving up my mobile phone.Humans that did not feel remorse inflicting pain.Humans that did not give a shit about their preys,even if they might end up comatized.

So this is what humans are like,after you peel through all the lies,pretense and virtues.
It's pretty funny,how our educational lies and history taught us to respect them.HHTPFM.

If we are poor,we work.If there are no jobs due to some racial policy,we beg.We do not go around bashing people's heads in with helmets and ask kindly for their valuables.

Approximated area where my head is swollen.They bashed the side of my head with a helmet and beat me with a stick like object before demanding my phone.When I did not oblige one of the people did a right cross to the same part of my head.I have a hard head.His fists must've hurt.Also,thank you adrenaline for not making me feel most of the impacts.

Complaint No#25

The Chronicles of blockhead(ed) peabrain:First entry.

As redonkulus as this may sound,I was kidnapped by the Koreans.They practically blindfolded me all the way to PJ just to give me a bath,then dropped me in front of my home.

Now for a little back story..
The Koreans.They're after me.Now that I've sold my flesh and soul to them..there's no escaping them I guess.I only hope that my blog will somewhat compensate the shit I went through,to shed some light so that no poor soul would follow my muddled footsteps into the swamps of doom.

I will not state which church they're representing.I will not state what they preached.
What matters was what they offered.They offered my soul salvation.I am not a believer.They just cornered me and fed me with so many flashy videos and pictures that I simply couldn't give enough fucks to think rationally by that point.

They promised me their church was only a few minutes away.They promised me I would be home within minutes.When I came to my senses I was on their car,thirty minutes away from Subang.And as lady luck would have it,my phone batteries ran out at the very minute my outrageous stupidity dawned on my derpbrain.

And so,feeling bewildered with all that the circumstances offered,I reached their church,more than A FEW MINUTES away.It was only a small apartment with only a bathroom,a small kitchen,and a huge hall for what I assumed was where they preached to their Korean followers.

I was given a bath.Baptism,they called it,the ceremony to cleanse my soul in order to prep me for the passing over.And then I was offered half a bread and half a cup of red wine,to symbolize me consuming Jesus' flesh and blood.What the fuck.I'm a cannibal.

After eating what must've been coke infused dough and drinking the blood of a virgin donkey,I was prepared for the waves of epilepsy that would envelope me and cause me to die a rather humiliating death,one that probably involved me shitting my pants.

Fortunately,nothing of that manner happened.They congratulated me for having my soul saved,for doing the right thing.A murderer murdering an infant would seem a right thing to do.To the psychopathic killer.

Hours later they dropped me of half a block away from where I lived.
They were nice people.Just misguided.But they lied to me.The Koreans lied.

They did not look like this,sorry to say.

Now that's more like it.

Complaint No#24

Last week,after lots of ignorance and procrastination,i realized that it was gonna be a pretty shitty week.Actually it was more like a giant turd sitting on your bed after you spent 3 days working non stop and you realize that you have to either lie down in the turd mountain or sleep on the turd-bomb covered floor.That kind of shitty situation.And no you can't clear the fucking shit.

It was friday when i noticed that i had a 1000word microeconomics essay due on Monday,a history test on Wednesday,and a physics test on Thursday.Now tuna research and lots of thinking later,I finished the essay on Sunday,2 days later than I had anticipated.This was the first in a series of surprisingly assholic events.

I only had a couple hours per day for Monday and Tuesday to finish memorizing every single shit that happened in America since Chrishopter fucking Columbus set foot on it until America's first government was formed.That's like 300 years of history to consume in just a handful of days.I can't even begin to describe the multitude of shittiness I experienced during those hellish days.History is one of the most dropped subjects on record,second to only calculus.

Immediately after the history exam meals were skipped and the inviting sleeping bugs were stomped on.Physics was up next.What was taught in a month,we had to complete in a couple hours.What made it worse was that the history test ended at 4pm.I slept at 5am in the morning.



And still after these shitty events my timetable only slackened 6.29x10^-21 meters.I had one more test coming up on Monday,the crown king of most frequently dropped subjects,Calculus.By this point I couldn't even differentiate Chrishopter Columbus from Calculus,let alone do shit.Fortunately I had the whole weekend to recuperate and possibly regain a few of my life years back.

It was a pretty shitty week.No exaggeration there.

No Complaint#Complaint No#23

Dear lecturer,

       A ball is not an atom just like how sea monkeys aren't actually monkeys. After a few stakeouts I have managed to bunnynap Mister Whiskers over here.However,I assure you that Mr.Whiskers is being pampered like a real child ,and his release would be immediate upon the realization of my proposal:that spheres are in fact,not atoms.

      At 3pm sharp this Saturday,27/8/2011,you will take the U82 bus and arrive at Sunway Pyramid.Enter via the main entrance.You should have by this time,updated the results and posted them online.Upon confirmation a stranger will approach and tell you your shoelaces are untied.Tie your shoelaces even if they are done.When you look up you will find a yellow envelope.Do not attempt to go after the stranger.Inside the envelope will be a series of easily decipherable codes which upon solving,shall reveal to you 3 shop numbers.Visit each of them,and I will drop Mr.Whiskers in front of a random shop.To avoid complications I have excluded steak houses and petshops.

Should you fail to comply the bunny gets it.As per the picture up there.

Regards,
Mr.Complainer.

Update:

Holy flying mammoths it worked.

Complaint No#23

Today's physics test was supposed to be a breeze.A walk in the park.Taking candy from a baby.Taking booze from a drunk homeless man.

But reality struck and it struck hard,and I screwed half my quiz up(which was quite easy btw,since we only had 2 questions),though quite unreasonably.

I have lost my faith in Physics.

Complaint No#22

 Things you will never see at Kuala Lumpur:
100 year old train station.

The Brits:Whaaaat?Man this shit won't last through the war,mark my words.
100 years later..
The Kedahians:State of the art trains!

Wolves on checkerboards.How's that for menacing?Not dog.

Trees.Nuff said.

Sparkling vampires.
LOL jk.You see them all over KL but not at Kedah.We do have trolls and pontianaks though.

Complaint No#21

This is how I feel every single  night,not the bees you dumbfuck,the man

Dear Santa Claus,

Sorry for calling you a big fat *** earlier,I present you my utmost apologies for that..slip of tongue.
Also I wish for a Hazmat suit and a mini flamethrower this Christmas.

Why you ask?Because Kedah is currently under the invasion of the insect kingdom.As I'm typing right now my house is under the bombardment of green foul-smelling insects and professional death-evading mosquitoes.

There are more species of insects here than there are the types of cars.Also I kinda live next to a huge sewer and fields with acres of insect breeding grounds.I think that helped.

Again I wish to express my apologies for calling you a big fat *** with an obsession for young kids.

Peace,Jason.

Complaint No#20

Should read:Suspected area of misconduct.Whatever,it's almost 4am in the morning.

The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows,said Rocky Balboa,and this will be my last blogpost before I leave Subang.

It was an eerily dark night and the artificial illumination served no purpose whatsoever to curb the chilly atmosphere.And when you cross the line of the red spots,shit happens,as it happened to me.

You may hear but a humble whisper,or feel a slight tap on your shoulder.Whatever you do,please do not run,but do turn around slowly,and confront the shadow behind you.
(Warning:Not for the faint-hearted)

The shadow slowly opens his mouth and mutters a language I don't quite understand.After a few moments I realize that he had said:"Lengzai,can you speak Cantonese?",in well,Cantonese.


Exact words are lost in translation,but the shadow will tell you that he somehow invested poorly,and lost 60000-70000ringgit while claiming to be the most unfortunate soul in the world.And all he needed was a few ringgit to get back home,perhaps to his loved ones,

I had looked at him in the eye.I had sensed his sincerity.His desperation.I had believed him.I wanted to believe him.
Rule of thumb:Stranger danger,be careful with your wallet.
I still had enough sense to take 14 steps back then pull my wallet out.I gave him a 5.Thought maybe I could get a +1 for Karma,or maybe get on the good side of whoever may be out there.He had thanked me.

Last night while I was walking down the exact same street and around the right time,when there came a tap on my shoulder,and the familiar phrase..

Just maybe.But I know it not to be true.This is why people lose their faiths in other people.This is why I lost mine.

Goodbye,Subang.Goodbye,mysterious shadowy figure.

Complaint No#19

Recently,I've been rediscovering the joys of playing MapleStory.I'll cut straight to the point and write about what happened to me on a fateful night two days ago..



For those that know what a potential scroll does,internet fist bump for you.
For those that don't know what a potential scroll does,shift your gaze to the right image and press ↑+→ +ctrl V while reading it.


I'm getting derailed again.In short,I used the 90% scroll on a valuable item,and it was destroyed.Wiped off the surface of the world.Gone.Kapoof.Like his mother never even gave birth to him.


Emotions aside,this got me thinking.What happened to the other 90%?I mean,wouldn't there be another 9 parallel worlds,where I had passed the scroll?

Now before I get ahead of myself,there's this theory of parallel universes.For every action one performs,one creates another parallel identity where the action was not performed,or simply performed in a different manner or time.Comprende?


This may sound subjective,but I refuse to believe this world,the only world where i destroyed my item,is the sole universe that exists.That makes me sad.I believe that there are 9 other joyous mes,instead of the me,stuck in this gloomy world.


Would they be wondering about me instead?About what happened to the 10th guy?Would they be writing another complaint like me?Maybe this is the only unique blog post in 10,000 worlds?

Complaint No#18

Meeples is a shop that sells you games.Not those flashy animated 8-gigabytes video games,but actual real life board games.

Don't get me wrong,they don't have games like Chess or Monopoly and all those conventional games,instead they have games like..



Dominant Species.Where you evolve your abilities to rise above all other animals.
How's that for awesome?

Or why don't you have a taste at Fast Food:The Game?

I didn't actually play it,but it had cards and burgers and fries.Suitable for all ages that are addicted to fast food.







And if you're feeling extremely geeky and want to practice your godlike APM,why don't you try Starcraft and Warcraft:The Board Game?

I'm a Starcraft fan and I didn't even know they had board games.

The game we played was called Bang!,a fast paced Mexican shootout game.

Basically you have 4 jobs,a Sheriff,a Deputy Sheriff,a Renegade,and the rest are Outlaws.Nobody knows who's who except the Sheriff,who has to reveal himself before the game starts.

Outlaws' Objective:Kill the Sheriff.
Sheriff's Objective:Kill all the outlaws.
Deputy Sheriff's Objective:Protect the Sheriff at all costs.
Renegades Objective:Lie in wait until all other players are eliminated except the Sheriff,then proceed to killing him.

You have tonnes of action cards and equipment cards,but that's a story for another day.

The character i played was Pedro Ramiree,aka the shittiest character in the whole damn game.

I mean,look at his kind oval face.We're talking about a game where you're supposed to kill the goddamn opponent here.Pedro looks like a farmer that worries more about his pigs than a Mexican shootout.Which probably explains why his ability is one of the worst in the game.He enables you to draw one card from the discard pile.

Now there are two down sides to that:
1)Every player on the table knows which card you took.
2)The last card is probably some shitty card your opponent discarded to clear his hand.Which means that 90% of the chance the cards I can draw are shit.

Anyone named Pedro probably dies first in the movie anyways.All the other characters are mean cool looking bad guys,complete with cloaks and scars.Pedro just looked fat and chubby.

But it was fun though,and Meeples provides free games of the week.Definitely going back again.

Complaint No#17

Inti's mass evacuation

08:27:24 NIAS REGION,INDONESIA. Magnitude 5.0 earthquake. 08:34:03 Received a text from Andreana claiming that our college was shaking.Disregarded as a joke and went back to sleep. 09:01:23 Woke up to the sound of alarm,hit snooze,went back to sleep. 09:05:00 Smashed alarm clock against wall,struggled to stay awake. 09:13:55 Went online.Remembered my text and did some googling.HOLY SHIT IT REALLY DID HAPPEN.Grimaced when i stepped on my broken clock.Smashed it again. 09:42:09 Finally left for college.Grimaced over the thought of buying a new clock. 11:06:41 NIAS REGION,INDONESIA. Magnitude 4.6 earthquake. 11:07:11 Felt a gentle swaying at Level 6,building was actually moving.Mass evacuation of students. 16:20:09 Gasped as Professor X was shot in the ass. 16:44:36 Found the magical shop that sells rainbows and magic,Daisho.Grimaced at the fact that they weren't selling any alarm clocks. 17:53:22 Grimaced at the sight of bald disfigured rats at the pet shop. 22:13:10 Grimaced at the thought of buying a new clock.Took out my spare alarm clock.Still have 364 of them.

Complaint No#16.5

All right you miserable bag of potatoes.I know you've been following and watching me the whole day.

And the guy you sent on stake-out?Never in my life have I seen such a suspicious looking crow with binoculars around his neck.If you desire more information,I'm very much happy to oblige.Just stop trying to hit me with turd bombs.

As far as I've figured out,the blue stuff I picked up were casings of 12 gauge shotgun shells.I don't know which idiot would fire a stray of shotgun slugs inside a residential area with just 3 colleges next to it,but I'm pretty sure they work for the government.

The shells have "SME RIMBA" printed on one side of it,which I'm guessing is a local ammunition trading company.

There have also been rumors of bounty rewards on dead crows.You birds might want to look into that.Now lay your filthy beaks off my back.

Complaint No#16

Dead crow-ss15,somewhere near Taylor's college.

He saw a dead crow
in a drain
near the Post Office,
He saw an old man
gasping for air
And a baby barely able to breathe
In a crowded morning clinic
This land is so rich
Why should we suffer like this?

I want clean air
For my grandchildren
I want the damned fools                                         
To leave the forest alone,
I want the trees to grow,
The rivers run free
And the earth covered with grass.
Let the politicians plan how
we may live with dignity
Now and always

Shell casings I picked up at the scene of the crime.

Gunshots really do sound like fireworks.But unlike the cheery combustion patterns one would expect,a gunshot brings more..malice,and death.

Maybe it was because I've played so many first person shooter games before,or maybe it was just human instinct.I somehow recognized the sound of firearms.I had the lingering suspicion that it was a rifle or shotgun  of some sort,but the darkness of the night concealed the faces of the shooters.

They were shooting to kill.In front of Taylor's.
And then I walked into a 7-Eleven to get my chewing gum.

Shell casing of a shotgun(online sources)

-THE END-

PS:In case this turns out to be a homicide investigation,please do not implicate me with the crimes involved.You can find the shell casings at my bottom right desk drawer.
Please don't shoot me.I hate getting shot.

Complaint No#15

Today was laundry day.I have to confess.This was the first time i did it unsupervised.I actually felt more nervous than the day i sat for SPM.

I was half hoping that some magical genie would pop out from the bubbles and help me.I imagined he would've looked like this:

I had a dozen questions.Should I jump into the spinning vortex?Should I throw my class C biological hazards(socks) inside?But the genie came unanswered.

Then all of a sudden,with half of my arm still inside,the machine spun itself twice.I didn't scream like a shemale on steroids,but I did shout out some things I would regret in my later life.
*Landlord:If you're reading this,I swear I didn't make the dent on your washing machine.I think it was my roommate.Peace.

And after a long day of laundry(like 45minutes),I was all set to dry my clothes.
And then it rained.Son of a bitch.

Complaint No#14

My mathematics lecture started off easy,with the introduction to numbers all over again.It was like strolling through a garden of primroses with wings to slowly levitate you.

Then came today's crash course to hell,on roller skates,without your precious protective gear.My lecturer is really good at mindfucking people.If you were to do 4 questions,I'll bet that 2 are actually unsolvable,and he put it there to test and of course,mindfuck with us.Who actually knew that 1+1=1 could be proven wrong?


And what's worse is..we're still on page 1.Better bring aspirins for my next lesson.

No Complaint#Friday the 13th

No Complaint#A request

Dear Mr Life_rocker,

         My life is as interesting as watching paint dry.Unless of course,watching paint dry is one of your hobbies as well,then maybe we could hook up and I could tell you my life story as we watch paint dry.

          As for the constitution of our beloved country,I can't say much because,pretty much everything in it is taboo for 'people with bad intentions',as they coined it.My blog post would probably go like this:

"Well,the entirety of -post removed by the ISA- is of unheard of -post removed by the ISA-,and the -post removed by the ISA- should not be held with such high -post removed by the ISA-.In this golden era of peace,why is it that -post removed by the ISA- and freedom of speech is so -post removed by the ISA-?Perhaps -post removed by the ISA- is not the right mindset for the liberal society of our current generation."

I would though,describe the lives of Chinese and Bumis equal that to Hakens and Anders in the book Soul of The Fire,by Terry Goodkind.
The Anders were a primitive race that scavenged their way through life by picking fruits and hunting wild animals.Then one day the Hakens,with their more advanced technology invaded the Anders' land.With the Hakens they brought knowledge,technology,and most importantly,peace.With each passing decade the Anders assimilated more of the Haken's technology,and the Hakens saw them as their equals.Then one day,after the Anders seized control of the government,they killed every educated Haken-and enslaved the remaining ones.The future Haken generations were taught that they were murderers,rapists,beings with corrupted souls.They weren't allowed equal rights to the Anders.They were rejected the chance of an education.Their very history books consisted of cleverly manipulated truths,and the Hakens truly believed they deserved no more than being the slaves of the Anders.

Sounds familiar to you?Well let's leave it that way.Oh and by the way,both Hakens and Anders died very horrible deaths.

              PERKASA you say?Sorry I couldn't hear you over the laughter in my head.I for one hate adding insult to injury.

And that's it.Sincerely,by Jason.

Complaint No#13

There are two things in this world that last for just two seconds:The scent of a hot girl when she passes you,and the duration of a traffic light at 3am in the morning.

I swear to God that every single green light changes to red just to piss me off.And to answer your previous question,yes,we do have cars in Malaysia.We do not ride kerbaus to work.

You know the feeling,where you're refilling your car's petrol,and it ends just nice at the brim and you haven't wasted a penny?Well this felt like overflowing petrol that scalded your skin and blew off the whole gas station only to have you be labeled as an Al-Qaeda terrorist.No exaggeration there.

As if flying cows and grannies that can run as fast as 60km/hr weren't one of my biggest worries yet..

No Complaint#I swear not to swear

Looking back at my previous posts I discovered that I wasn't exactly a polite person.Making use of profanities is like peeing.You do it in private and not publicly,unless you're a sick bastard.Hurling profanities at one another is like peeing on each others' shoes.Either side smells like (NH₂)₂CO and the society frowns upon you.So from now on I *will* try my best to refrain myself from using them.Cheers.

Unless of course,I can't find any suitable way to express my frustration like when the fucking whale sat on me at Complaint No#1.

Complaint No#12

It is of my utmost regret to inform you that the world's renowned author of New York's best selling series Hide and Seek:The Saga and Kehidupan Seharian Osama,Osama bin Laden was finally discovered and made 'it' today,after holding the world's record for the hide and seek championship of 10 years.This ended streak led to massive celebrations in America,most notably Obama's speech about how his team managed this largest feat in the world of Hide and Seek.Osama was consequently offered a sea palace for his contributions to the world.

Source:Turn on your fucking TV.

Complaint No#11

Watching William and Kate's royal wedding was like watching a bag of mushrooms hanging from my ceiling.Don't get me wrong-it was exciting at first.As amusing as finding a bag of mushrooms dangling from my ceiling could be.But after that it got boring.Those mushrooms aren't gonna magically transform into a bridge made up of unicorn barf.Guess I'm not much of a wedding guy.

I thought that there would be special ops units swarming the perimeter or maybe even performances like in the Olympics.You know,dragons flying and fireworks and pom pom girls with mini skirts.I know that some of you wished something bad would happen.Shame on you.

But who am I to judge?It's good as long as they're happy.And I saw that on their faces.They've dated for half as long as I've lived.I'm sure they'll cope.

Complaint No#10

I am now convinced that partial electrical outages are invented to annoy the hell out of customers.Your TV works.But none of the lights or fans do.

And when your fan works.Your TV's fried and the computer's 2 rooms away with no ventilation.It's one of those instances when you have to go real bad,and you do-only to realize you're still deep under your covers and you just wet your bed.But it was a good experience though.For half an hour I enjoyed the world without the technology it offered.And then mother Earth decided to piss me off by raining and covering the starry skies and making the atmosphere gloomy and the air humid and hot.Thanks,Earth.You're awesome.I had to shower in darkness though.Yes,we do have showers in Malaysia.We do not live on trees.

Picture:Utter.Complete.Darkness.Save for the mysterious white light that disappears when I think about it.Weird.

All was cool until I had the very horrible thought that in every dark corner I couldn't see,there was a fairy hiding there.

Waiting for me.Just...one trip and they'll be all over me.

Picture:It's a fairy.

Complaint No#9

Some of you may have heard of it,some of you may not.But here's the story.A few days back I rescued an advertisement pamphlet from the jaws of my dog.My dog literally eats my mail alive if left unattended.

So anyways this flier was about Pizza Hut's "WOW SAVERS 50% DISCOUNT" offer.Apparently you can get this huge delicious looking pizza for around 5 ringgit.Oh my god.Food of the gods mang.I gotta try this.Right?
Oh so fucking wrong you are.This,like many other fast food franchises are full of shit.(You're next on my list,KFC)I'll just use the thursday pizza as comparison.Look at the ad.It's full of prawns and pineapples and cheese and nectar of the gods.Surely a quick look would account to 20-30 toppings on the pizza.How bad can it be?



 Well,this bad.See the knife right there?It's around 20 centimeters long.And the pot right there?

Oh yeah.The fucking pizza.I wouldn't go so far out of a limb to call my food a bowl of shit.But it was a bowl of shit.And a small one at that too.It had like 3 pineapple slicing on it,half a fistful of tuna and probably 2 sliced prawns on it.

And the pizza came in 4 slices.One slice was approximately 5 centimeter long.Sorry I didn't get the chance to take the pizza's picture.But the why the fuck is the pizza so small thought struck right after i finished the pizza off.That's how puny it was.To make matters worse I had to wait 20 minutes for this.Curse you,PH.I'm never ever coming back.

Complaint No#8

Once upon a time,there lived a joyful stallion.He believed that every horse in the world had a heart of gold-be it black horses,brown horses or even those majestic white horses.


He,like the others in the herd had no problem accepting each other.Horses were of course,beings with pure hearts.

Then one day,a horse that didn't look quite right,wandered into the herd,it did not ask to be part of them,it just simply..existed there.

The stallion began questioning himself.This horse seems different..I wonder if he'll be able to fit in?He pondered.

Nevertheless,they accepted the zebra into the herd,despite his uncanny appearance.Horses were of course,beings with pure hearts.

 

Then one day,lions invaded the horses' turf.Try as they might,horses just weren't meant to fend off lions.

Much of the herd perished..save for the stallion and the zebra.

The zebra escaped because he knew the lions were coming.Yet he never warned any of the horses.
Zebras were of course,aware of the dangers lions offered.

The young stallion was dumbfounded.The zebra was indeed different.Zebras were of course,beings without a pure heart.The stallion finally understood that.A zebra could never be a part of the horses.

Now he sees that.The zebra joins his own herds of zebras.Leaving the stallion to his unlawful fate at the wilderness.

Horses are beings..with pure hearts.But that does not mean their hearts will not break.