Complaint No#11

Watching William and Kate's royal wedding was like watching a bag of mushrooms hanging from my ceiling.Don't get me wrong-it was exciting at first.As amusing as finding a bag of mushrooms dangling from my ceiling could be.But after that it got boring.Those mushrooms aren't gonna magically transform into a bridge made up of unicorn barf.Guess I'm not much of a wedding guy.

I thought that there would be special ops units swarming the perimeter or maybe even performances like in the Olympics.You know,dragons flying and fireworks and pom pom girls with mini skirts.I know that some of you wished something bad would happen.Shame on you.

But who am I to judge?It's good as long as they're happy.And I saw that on their faces.They've dated for half as long as I've lived.I'm sure they'll cope.

Complaint No#10

I am now convinced that partial electrical outages are invented to annoy the hell out of customers.Your TV works.But none of the lights or fans do.

And when your fan works.Your TV's fried and the computer's 2 rooms away with no ventilation.It's one of those instances when you have to go real bad,and you do-only to realize you're still deep under your covers and you just wet your bed.But it was a good experience though.For half an hour I enjoyed the world without the technology it offered.And then mother Earth decided to piss me off by raining and covering the starry skies and making the atmosphere gloomy and the air humid and hot.Thanks,Earth.You're awesome.I had to shower in darkness though.Yes,we do have showers in Malaysia.We do not live on trees.

Picture:Utter.Complete.Darkness.Save for the mysterious white light that disappears when I think about it.Weird.

All was cool until I had the very horrible thought that in every dark corner I couldn't see,there was a fairy hiding there.

Waiting for me.Just...one trip and they'll be all over me.

Picture:It's a fairy.

Complaint No#9

Some of you may have heard of it,some of you may not.But here's the story.A few days back I rescued an advertisement pamphlet from the jaws of my dog.My dog literally eats my mail alive if left unattended.

So anyways this flier was about Pizza Hut's "WOW SAVERS 50% DISCOUNT" offer.Apparently you can get this huge delicious looking pizza for around 5 ringgit.Oh my god.Food of the gods mang.I gotta try this.Right?
Oh so fucking wrong you are.This,like many other fast food franchises are full of shit.(You're next on my list,KFC)I'll just use the thursday pizza as comparison.Look at the ad.It's full of prawns and pineapples and cheese and nectar of the gods.Surely a quick look would account to 20-30 toppings on the pizza.How bad can it be?



 Well,this bad.See the knife right there?It's around 20 centimeters long.And the pot right there?

Oh yeah.The fucking pizza.I wouldn't go so far out of a limb to call my food a bowl of shit.But it was a bowl of shit.And a small one at that too.It had like 3 pineapple slicing on it,half a fistful of tuna and probably 2 sliced prawns on it.

And the pizza came in 4 slices.One slice was approximately 5 centimeter long.Sorry I didn't get the chance to take the pizza's picture.But the why the fuck is the pizza so small thought struck right after i finished the pizza off.That's how puny it was.To make matters worse I had to wait 20 minutes for this.Curse you,PH.I'm never ever coming back.

Complaint No#8

Once upon a time,there lived a joyful stallion.He believed that every horse in the world had a heart of gold-be it black horses,brown horses or even those majestic white horses.


He,like the others in the herd had no problem accepting each other.Horses were of course,beings with pure hearts.

Then one day,a horse that didn't look quite right,wandered into the herd,it did not ask to be part of them,it just simply..existed there.

The stallion began questioning himself.This horse seems different..I wonder if he'll be able to fit in?He pondered.

Nevertheless,they accepted the zebra into the herd,despite his uncanny appearance.Horses were of course,beings with pure hearts.

 

Then one day,lions invaded the horses' turf.Try as they might,horses just weren't meant to fend off lions.

Much of the herd perished..save for the stallion and the zebra.

The zebra escaped because he knew the lions were coming.Yet he never warned any of the horses.
Zebras were of course,aware of the dangers lions offered.

The young stallion was dumbfounded.The zebra was indeed different.Zebras were of course,beings without a pure heart.The stallion finally understood that.A zebra could never be a part of the horses.

Now he sees that.The zebra joins his own herds of zebras.Leaving the stallion to his unlawful fate at the wilderness.

Horses are beings..with pure hearts.But that does not mean their hearts will not break.

Complaint No#7

They..they invaded our home..they trashed it..they killed my family..what did we ever do to deserve this fate..?
The house that we took 3 years to build..we didn't have hands..so it was nearly impossible to put brick after brick..to not break windows..but it was fun.
And now they're all dead.Soulless corpses crushed by the very foundation of our beloved home.Why?

These are the faces of our killers..please..avenge us..









Blogger's note:These green pigs have chlorophyll.That means they make their own food,and the whole egg stealing stunt was just a hoax to get them destroyed by pissed off birds.Please,spare a pig.

Complaint No#6

Facebook is down.
I cannot possibly contain my feelings of rage right now.
Dammit TM nut!

Complaint No#5

One peaceful day while I was scrolling down the Newsland of the world of Facebook..this came into view..

I couldn't believe how many innocent Facebookers had fallen into this troll machine.Seriously guys.First it was hot girls spamming your chatbox(which wasn't necessarily a bad thing),then people claiming to have your full scale nudes,and now this?How many times can you people fall for the same shit?

Take for example,Emma Pretty Watson right here.
Did you think that she would personally message you "Hey there,wanna see some naughty pictures of mine?Click here http://troll/xx18/pics hehe <3"

The next time one of you Facebookers receive a spam message.Remember Emma.Emma remembers you.



Oh and the next time someone spams me with this,you're on my list.
My terrorist list.

Complaint No#4

Recently the worldwide connecting facebook,founded by Mark Zuckerburg,introduced a new function called "Memorable Statuses".

Basically what it does is it takes old statuses(by old it could date back by three years) and displays them at the top right corner of your friend's wall if you happen to visit them.

So for example Mister A had haemorrhoids last year.How fun it is to remind him of the pain and suffering?

Some friend of mine said these words at our final most important exam we ever had last year.Well I think he turned out pretty fine.Just eating dimsums at the states.Life's impartial.

Complaint No#3

Sometimes I wonder if politicians do indeed live a different life than us commoners.
They can buy mansions that cost 20 million,buy submarines that fail to work yet costing 4 times as much and practice discrimination openly.And surprisingly the law is bent one way in their world.

 

 I think they reused an old script.Back when some opposition party leader was gaining momentum at the speed of the Halley Comet,suddenly his errand boy came forth and said that he was anal raped by his master.The leader ended up in prison and such his chance at the 'throne' was crushed.Well played sire.

Had this been a movie i'll give you 2/5 for the lame ass plot.No pun intended.

Just another story I was reminded of.

DISCLAIMER

All stories are a work of fiction. The characters do not exist, except in the mind of the author. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. <<Please don't let me go to prison.

Complaint No#2

I recently had the liberty to discuss the pros and cons of National Service with my German cousin.He made me realize how primitive us Malaysians must seem to the world.

Here's a bit of a background story on Malaysia's National Service:
Basically the trainees spend 3 months in a well build housing camp.They experience some form of physical training,but not too hard,else those Datuks would be complaining.Most prefer to skip this as they never really learn anything.Trainees are also given rm150 per month.Which accounts to a total of rm450 after 3 months.Every year hundreds of millions go into this project.Trainees are chosen randomly and threatened with if they choose not to go.

And here's Germany's National Service.Can't be that different right?
Every German adult has to attend 6 months of National Service.But they don't play around the jungle.You can choose if you're joining the army(serious business here,fire arms training,combat classes,in Malaysia you get to hold the guns for like 5minutes.And uhm,you attend unity classes because there's racial tension everywhere.) OR you can choose to do charity.Yes charity.You heard it right.You do stuff like cleaning up old folks homes,volunteering at orphanages and basically activities that benefit the citizens of Germany.My cousin personally drove mentally challenged kids to school.How's that for awesome?Trainees are paid an average of 500 euros per month.That means you'll get around rm12000 for the whole duration of your Service.Also they get Christmas money(another 500 euros).

In Germany,people gladly join the Service.In Malaysia,getting in to the Service is highly frowned upon.We spend millions each year trying to force unity.And it doesn't work.
And here's another complaint that goes unheard of.Why,Malaysia?Why?

Complaint No#1

I got sat on by a whale.No joke.How did this happen?Well it all started when..*cue epic flashback scene*



Last week I was on a crappy bus ride to phuket.Now when I say crappy,I mean it.
For starters the seat was literally begging me to end it's pathetic miserable life,the air conditioning was shit and I'm sure that the other passengers were literally there to just piss me off.(If you're Spanish,it's you)

What's so special about that,you say?You've seen worse in Malaysia?

Okay then.But have you been sat on a whale before?If you have then you deserve an internet high five.If you haven't then..sucks to be you.

How this happened has to be blamed on the retards that managed the bus company.A bus can only sit 60 people.Do you cram 70 in it?Do I really have to ask you that?
But that's EXACTLY what happened on that fateful day.Hot and perspiring,some had the really uncomfortable experience of sharing their own personal space with strangers that were equally pissed off.

Then suddenly the bus shook with what a 7.0 earthquake must've felt like.A whale had just boarded the freaking bus.

She must've been the most poorly disguised alien I've ever met.Note that she was even wearing a striped shirt,completing her image of a wailord.This poor excuse of a woman decided that my shoulder would be a suitable eternal resting place for her right butt cheek.I shit you not.She sat on my shoulder.And she smelled like rotten maggot-infested fish eyes mixed in with a dash of despair and humiliation sour.I don't know what Thai people did.But if they were trying to sweat stink bombs,they've succeeded.

Luckily for me the gods decided that my torture would be sweet and short.The whale left my poor shoulder alone after the longest 30 minutes of my life.

The dilemma of a name

I've always knew my blog would be about complaints.That or a blog which consisted of 90% complaints.

A few unpolished ideas over my blog name came up.One of them was:

But that sounded somewhat similar to a cheesy wizard boy movie one could get for 5 ringgit.Also I wouldn't want to risk getting a lawsuit from WarnerBro or Rowling the joker.


So in the end I decided for something short,something like TheComplaintCorner.
Trust me,no one would even bother to read my blog had the name been www.jason-eng-and-the-corner-of-complaints-tm.blogspot.com.